Have you ever looked back on an old flame and just thought “jeez, what was I thinking?”
The other day, I was hanging out with two friends and one of them started telling us all about her psycho ex – it took me right back to this point above and made me think – “if only we had known what we know now…” Whilst I don’t believe in regrets (everything’s a learning lesson), and whilst I’m in no means the most experienced dater, there are often times I see people going down the wrong road in their relationships and I just want to shake them and tell them to take the red flags seriously. It’s so easy when you’re involved with someone to ignore all the signs before you, and suddenly when things end terribly you wish you hadn’t taken things so easy. Using my own experience and the experience of my friends, here are a few red flags to watch out for if you want to don’t want to look back back in hindsight asking the same question above. Or, if you’d rather just shop this new outfit, scroll to the end of the post!
1. You’ve settled
I really confuses me sometimes when I see people settling as more often than not it’s a terrible choice to make. Whilst the world is not a fairy tale in which you instantly will fall for your future partner as soon as you lay eyes on them or talk to them for the first time (although, that would obviously be great!) If your initial reaction to this person is along the lines of “just not feeling it” – be it you think it’s a poor personality match, or you’re not physically attracted to them, or you plain and simply believe in your heart that you’re just with them because you’re tried of being single – it’s a recipe for disaster. This is a commitment you’re making for a long time and if your honest belief is that you would prefer to be with someone else, this belief will always play on your mind.
2. You worry about the longevity of your relationship when it’s barely even begun
In the past, every time I spoke to a guy I would brace myself for the moment where they would lose interest and things would crash and burn. Whilst most guys I spoke to would be putting in all the effort in the beginning, once I decided to settle and also put in some effort, I always found that all of a sudden – this effort was no longer reciprocated. This happened to me a few times to the point where I just came to expect it, I figured it was just one of those things. The reason I know this is a red flag now in hindsight is because when I met Levi, for the first time I didn’t experience this same feeling. I remember a friend trying to get some gossip out of me about our very new relationship in the early days of us meeting and I told her this same point – for the first time I was just sort of confident I was dealing with a good guy. I didn’t have any belief that he was going to suddenly change and turn into a douche and I also kinda sorta knew that we would probably end up together for quite a long time – almost three years on and still going strong, it seems these intuitions were right.
3. You don’t want to your friends and family to know about them
Now here’s a huge red flag. Everyone has their own opinions regarding how secret a relationship should be. Especially given all the recent YouTube-couple breakups – many question whether it makes sense to share your relationship at all. Whatever side you take here – sharing your other half with the people whose opinions you value the most is important. If you find yourself hiding a new flame from your loved ones, you probably have to ask yourself why. More often than not, the fear will be driven by the opinion that they won’t like or accept the person – and often (but not always!) for good reason.
4. You don’t want to see them that often
If you don’t want to see the person you’re with that often, it’s probably a good sign that you deep down don’t really care about them. Until my current relationship, this was me all over. I could go 10+ weeks without ever seeing the person I was chatting to, and I couldn’t have cared less. Back then, I just saw it as a feature of me being generally quite independent. I was very happy to just chat to someone via Whatsapp and only have to see them every now and again, than to actually have to inconvenience myself to see them. Now, a few years on, I can see I was like this because I just wasn’t too bothered about the person in the first place. If you’re with someone you actually care about, suddenly anything beyond one week can even seem like a long time, let alone 10.
5. They show cracks that they’re perhaps not actually very nice at all
Although this person may be nice to you, you also have to sit back and observe how they are with other people. People can put on a facade when they’re trying to impress someone new – but true colours will always show. The question remains – are they really that nice at all? Or are they actually just a bit horrid? If you can’t hold your hand to your heart and say that you honestly believe that they’re a nice person, then it’s perhaps a sign to call off the relationship. Mainly because, if that’s the case, it’s unlikely to last – and some people turn very ugly once things have been broken off. You don’t want some years to pass just to find that you’re still trying to deal with a major d*ckhead!
As for this look, I was gifted this jumpsuit from the lovely Quiz clothing team ahead of the launch of their new Stratford store. If you know me, you know I am a big lover of jumpsuits, I don’t think there is any outfit in the world that compliments my body shape as well as jumpsuits do! I glammed it up with a sparkly choker and sparkly heels, but what I love about jumpsuits is that they can also be easily dressed down. Check out some of my other jumpsuit looks below and shop to your heart’s content:
I did a similar post to this earlier in the month, except mine was more focused on red flags of an abusive relationship. I love “red flags” posts because it’s really important. People shouldn’t become stuck in a relationship they’re not happy in.
#4 is a big one! In my last relationship, I went weeks without seeing him, and it didn’t really bother me at all. It didn’t seem to bother him either, so eventually I broke things off with him. It was obvious neither of us were all that interested and should just go our separate ways.
I will definitely check that post out!
Also agreed, better to be alone than to be wasting time with someone you don’t really even care about.
freakin’ KILLIN IT in this blog post girl, that playsuit, the location, the photography…OOF!!
i’ve been in a relationship with my fella for the last 6 years, so i’d like to think i luckily didn’t have any of these niggling doubts about him haha! some great tips though…you just gott go with your gut!
katie. xx lacoconoire.com
Thank you lovely! “You just gotta go with your gut” <– couldn't agree more!
Such good read babe!! I cant think of anything worst than to settle! You should always dream for the stars and for the man of your dreams. You only live so live the best life you can. This also means cutting out any bad ass relationship in your life. So many great points babe!!
Thanks girly! I totally agree – never settle!
This is a great post babe!! Thanks for being so honest and sharing your thoughts and experiences 🙂
Thank you lovely x
I agree with the signs you’ve listed, especially not showing them to family and friends and not wanting to see the person that often. Also, how amazing is your outfit?! Love it!
Have an amazing day!
These are definitely great tips one would wish they had known earlier.Your outfit is lovely