Advice

Dealing with Disappointment

“THE DOOR ONLY CLOSES ON YOU IF YOU ALLOW IT TO.”

If I’m honest, I’ve never been good at dealing with disappointment. I put so much pressure on myself to do things in the most perfect way, that when it doesn’t work out, I literally feel like my world is crashing down (see my post Getting Off the Downward Spiral of Unhappiness). In the past, disappointment has been met with me crying in bed for days on end and feeling sorry for myself. The other day, I got some disappointing news, it wasn’t the worst news in the world – and sure, I cried on the phone to my parents after receiving the news – but the next day, I bounced back up. In fact the news has kind of given me a kick in the right direction of deciding what I want to do with my life long term. In some ways, it was what I needed to get me out of my comfort zone. I was honestly so shocked with how quickly I bounced back, (especially given my track record), and have a few tips for how you can do the same thing…

Give yourself some time to be upset
We’re all only human at the end of the day, and we have emotions. In an ideal world, you’d go through a break up with not one sweat because you know the other has lost out, or you’ll go through life actually not caring at all what people think, and with regards to disappointment – you’d dust it off, spring back up and keep it moving as soon as you’ve been disappointed. This would be great, but it’s very unlikely. Sometimes I think it’s great to just let yourself feel the emotions that are trying to get out – be sad, cry, sulk – do whatever you need to do. But just remember – this is not something you’re going to do for long. As soon as you’ve let the emotions flow, you really need to pick yourself back up, and there are a number of ways to do this…

See the situation for exactly what it is
Tony Robbins says it best – in life, we should never take a situation to be anything more or less than what it is. We need to put everything in perspective, and see things for exactly what they are. Being a very emotional Pisces, I tend to blow a lot of things out of proportion; the littlest thing can happen, and before you know I’ve made up one hundred stories in my head identifying exactly why this incident is going to ruin my life. Learning to put things in perspectives has really helped me get my emotions under control this year, in all aspects of my life. It can be as simple as not spending as much time with someone as I felt I should have, and having to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, this really isn’t a big deal and that person won’t hate me forever. When you’re able to see things for what they are, you definitely stop your thoughts from running wild and taking you to places you just don’t need to be.

Don’t be discouraged
I say this a lot because I believe in it so strongly – the mind is so powerful. I was watching a video by Julien Blanc where he spoke about self esteem, and he showed how self esteem and the outcomes in our lives go hand in hand. Let’s pretend you got some disappointing news that you didn’t get a job you applied for, if you allow it to discourage you, you can easily convince yourself that you’re just not good enough, and that no other job will want you. Now you go to other job interviews, and this comes through in your actions, albeit unconsciously. You don’t really think you stand a chance, the interviewer doesn’t see enough confidence in you, and before you know it, you don’t get another job. As you can see, from here it’s a vicious cycle. It’s not easy to keep our heads in the right space (I find it very hard and sometimes have to force myself to chill to recognise and silence the negative voice in my head), but it’s so important that we do before other aspects of our life are also affected.

I say this a lot because I believe in it so strongly – the mind is so powerful. tweet this?

Plan your next step
With everything in life, it’s important to be proactive. At the beginning of my second year at university, I didn’t get a spot on an internship I’d been dreaming about for months. A day after hearing the news, I sat down and wrote out a list of all the other places I was going to apply for, and when I was going to get moving with my applications. Luckily, there had been another role I was waiting on that I ended up getting the good news from just two or so days after, that is where I interned and will be where I start my (corporate) career. Otherwise, I was really ready to go ham with my applications. We only have one life, and time is constantly flying, you can’t sit back and left life go by.

Slay.
This is pretty self explanatory.

A lot of the time, disappointments are a blessing in disguise. In year twelve, I didn’t get the role as head girl in my school, I was devastated, but it helped strengthen my character, and work of a few ways to better myself. In my second year of university, I got a 2.1 when I had worked for a 1st, it helped me identify where I could improve with my study technique, and this year has been a lot more of a breeze for me. Recently, I got some more ‘bad news’, at least, that’s how it seemed at the time, but it’s helped me realise where I’m going to get some more fulfillment out of life, it’s given me more time to work on me and my future, and it’s stopped me from getting too comfortable, and making choices just because everyone else around me is doing the same thing. Now, I’m really excited for the future.

A lot of the time, disappointments are a blessing in disguise. tweet this?

Hope this is able to help you guys! Let me know below when you’ve experienced disappointment, and what you’ve done about it. Also – I am now starting an advice section on Skylish! Read below for more details. My first question is all about university and school, so keep your eyes peeled for when that post drops soon.

Need some advice? Relationships, university, careers, style… I’m here to help. E-mail me at admin@skylish.co.uk, or fill out the form below, and your question will be (anonymously) featured in a blog post on Skylish!




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8 Responses to "Dealing with Disappointment"

Great post! Every Pisces I know is really emotional too, glad you manged to pick yourself up though x

eleanorfrances.com

Reply?

Kemi replied on March 7, 2016 at 21:07

Haha, seems to be quite a common Pisces trait! x

March 6, 2016 at 18:58 Eleanor

I loved reading this post. There’s a lot of great advice here.

I used to deal with disappointment really badly, in fact I still do. I’d literally be crying if I got bad university results. One time I was miserable for weeks because I got a 2:1 and not a first on a writing piece. I was convinced that I’d never get anywhere with my writing because of it and just wanted to quit the course. Instead, I made sure I worked harder the next year. The piece I got the grade on was something I’d barely worked on, so that made a lot of sense.

Glad you managed to pick yourself straight back up after your news. That’s the best way to be really. There’s no point wasting loads of time being annoyed about something you can’t change.
xxx

Reply?

Kemi replied on March 7, 2016 at 21:09

There’s almost always something to learn when things don’t go quite our way, happy it was able to get you to work harder 🙂

March 6, 2016 at 19:49 Amy

This is great advice! You are so right, the door only closes on you if you allow it to. You must be motivated to keep going no matter what. I really love how inspiring this post is 🙂 xx http://www.bauchlefashion.com

Reply?

Kemi replied on March 9, 2016 at 02:55

Really glad you liked it 🙂 Xx

March 9, 2016 at 02:19 Heather Lisa Noire

Hope everything gets better happy woman day! 🙂

Please check my Blog!! 🙂

http://www.alessabernal.com/

Alessa Bernal 🙂

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March 9, 2016 at 06:20 Alessa

I would totally go by believing that disappointments are a blessing!
Thestyletune.com

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March 16, 2016 at 18:20 Chichi


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