Fashion

Do You Seek Validation?

fashion, blogging, photography, fashion blogger, advice, motivation, inspiration

Confession time: when I started working full time last year, and so had the disposable income to invest more into my blog, my eyes sort of opened up for the first time to the little luxuries among the blogging world. It seemed that everyone was constantly jet-setting, all donning designer bags, and just generally big balling money makers. Suddenly, the pressure hit me too. I felt like I needed to show the world that I was doing just fine too. And before I knew it, I became hooked on trying to portray my life in the most glamorous, successful and luxurious way possible. I touched on this briefly in my ‘What really matters?‘ post – but wanted to go into a little more detail on the idea of seeking constant acceptance.

I started living my life for the approval of others – constantly thinking about what would make my life look really cool, versus just living my life for me. Whether that was through curated captions and Tweets, spending lots of money on things I thought would make me look impressive, or overplaying different events that happened in my life – I was absolutely hooked on the approval drug.

Let’s be honest – we all fall into this trap sometimes and occasionally we don’t even notice it. For example, I’ve heard stories of people blowing the majority of their monthly income on a pair of Louboutins – just to be able to say they had them. Especially with social media making it so easy these days for people to see exactly what everyone else is up to – be it money making on Instagram or role collecting on LinkedIn, it’s easy to feel like you have to ‘keep up’.

Actually, it was after becoming more aware of people doing this around me that I realised I was doing it myself – my priorities were totally skewed. Living for validation gets tiring because you’re always chasing the next injection of this drug. You end up constantly comparing yourself to other people, and you actually hinder yourself from truly living your life because your concerns are not as they should be.

Shop The Look

Jacket: Zara
Jeans: Topshop
Heels: New Look (similar)
Top: Fashion Nova

fashion, blogging, photography, fashion blogger, advice, motivation, inspiration

Over the year I developed more of a “I don’t really give a F” attitude, I learned to relax and refocused my energy more of developing myself to actually be successful rather than trying to paint the picture of a perfect post uni life.

Not to say I’m perfect in this regards – and I still have my slip ups – but these days I’m much more focused on living my life for me. And that’s not to say that I’ll never find myself browsing the same websites and looking at the same things as before (for e.g. I’m obsessed with bags, so will definitely still put money towards the bigger purchases) – but these days it’s not for the validation – it’s doing it because I feel like it. My focus now is much more on ‘living my best life’, versus trying to portray my life as something that it isn’t. It’s a much easier life to lead.

fashion, blogging, photography, fashion blogger, advice, motivation, inspiration

fashion, blogging, photography, fashion blogger, advice, motivation, inspiration

A bit about this new outfit – and I really want to focus most attention on the leather jacket. I mean, I am in love. I’ve been wanted to replace my old leather jacket for a while now, but was under the impression that if I wanted something that wouldn’t look crinkled after some time I’d definitely have to spend a minimum of Β£150. Sometimes it’s better in the long run to spend the extra ££ for the better quality. However, whenever I finish work early, I tend to reward myself with a trip to Zara which is on my walk home – this beauty was waiting for me at the door and was half the price I was expecting for a good quality jacket. I repeat – I am in love.

Photos: Marianne Olaleye

Have you ever found yourself hooked on the ‘validation drug’?

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17 Responses to "Do You Seek Validation?"

Yaaas girl! I feel like this outfit totally reflects your attitude. I see a tough, confident woman, keep it up!

XO, Jessi
https://www.mywhitet.com/favorite-looks-nyfw-ss18/

Reply?

Kemi replied on September 21, 2017 at 21:14

Thanks Jessi! x

September 16, 2017 at 19:32 Your Name

I’m all about this mentality! You look incredible in this outfit, I loved this post!

Have a lovely day!
xx Kris | https://dreamingofpink.wordpress.com

Reply?

Kemi replied on September 21, 2017 at 21:15

Thanks you girl!

September 17, 2017 at 14:38 Kris

I totally feel you on this, lately I am looking at all these bloggers that seem to have it all. I’m here living the student life but still wondering how I can match up to them. It can be really draining but I’ve been trying to remind myself that our lives our different and don’t have to compare.

Reply?

Kemi replied on September 21, 2017 at 21:22

Definitely – things are made to look amazing online (although that’s not always the case it real life). Comparison is the their of joy as they say πŸ™‚

September 17, 2017 at 15:00 Renny

Yasss, I agree totally when you say you’re more focused on living your best life. That has sort of becoming my life motto haha. I know right? Sometimes we seek validation without realizing it. As you said, focusing on bettering yourself for yourself is the best thing to do. Love the jacket and the heels! xx
Coco Bella Blog

Reply?

Kemi replied on September 21, 2017 at 21:25

Hahah it is actually my motto recently. Thank you!

September 18, 2017 at 13:52 Demilade

Totally agree with this post. Most of what you see online isn’t an honest or complete portrayal. I love you outfit though!

TFM Life & Style blog

Reply?

Kemi replied on September 21, 2017 at 21:24

Definitely isn’t – thank you!

September 19, 2017 at 01:35 Shannon

not only do you look incredible in this entire photo set, you sexy mama, but what you talk about it SO important.

i had noticed this a little myself, my first thought when i went somewhere was ‘ahh this would look good on insta’ and i realised how damaging that mindset could be so i’ve been trying hard lately to adjust it and focus on what’s really important!

katie. xx lacoconoire.com

Reply?

Kemi replied on September 21, 2017 at 21:25

Thank you so much! x

September 19, 2017 at 05:49 Your Namkatiee

I really enjoyed reading this. I think when I started getting money from University and my part-time jobs, I felt exactly like this. I kept buying, buying and buying expensive things to make myself feel better and to the same “status” as other bloggers. But last year, along with other things, I’ve had a mindset shift and really focused on myself, sharing only for myself (I find it fun!) and to hopefully inspire others 😊

Really enjoyed reading this – well done for you getting over that and focusing on yourself. It’s super empowering!

Reply?

Kemi replied on September 21, 2017 at 21:26

I agree – best to share for the right reasons. Thanks Pauline! πŸ™‚

September 19, 2017 at 10:22 Pauline

I absolutely love that leather jacket! πŸ™‚

x
editionemmagrace – Lifestyle Blogger & Style Sharer

Reply?

Kemi replied on September 21, 2017 at 21:26

Thanks Emma!

September 21, 2017 at 14:15 Emma

The pressure that comes with trying keep with up the ‘blogger lifestyle’ is defo real. I think there’s also a fear of missing out. I can totally relate.

Great post, x

Reply?

September 29, 2017 at 18:06 Freda Lee


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